By: Samantha Lorenz
“Do I…knock? Ring the doorbell or something?” Blake muttered, her boot tapping on the porch of her childhood home for what felt like the fiftieth time.
Maybe she should have rehearsed something. Came up with something good to start off with when the door opens and she’d be forced to sit in for dinner.
“Oh yeah, like that would help. Hey Mom and Dad. How’s it going? I haven’t seen you guys since you kicked me out eight years ago. Pass the salt.” She spoke, she waved her arms in an animated fashion.
A cold grip made its way into her chest as Blake focused deep inside herself to crush it down and swallow her hesitation, wondering how the nicotine from her cigarette earlier had already worn off her nerves. At this rate she knew she was going to freeze to death if she didn’t do something more than just stand around, so Blake knocked her knuckle against hardwood door in front of her and waited.
“You can do this. Just relax and focus. Don’t fall for any of their bullshit.” Blake took a deep breath to compose herself, eyes focusing on the door as the handle turned and it began to open.
A cold fall air blasted through as the person behind the door stopped to wait for the breeze to cease. Finally opening moments after, the figure who answered appeared in full view to the twenty-four year old woman.
Dressed in blue jeans and a black long sleeved shirt that hugged their form, Blake looked up further to meet the face of the woman she thought she’d never see again. Short black hair framing her aging features, brown eyes matching her own, and the same light skin tone. It was like looking into a mirror.
Well, except the mirror added twenty or so more years on you. But there was no mistaking who it was.
The woman, or “Mom” as she used to call her, who was scanning out on the illuminated porch for the source of the knock, stopped her sweep at the sight of Blake. Seeing the shorter body of Blake standing in the doorway, the older woman’s eyes suddenly widened, her lips parting slightly to let out a quiet gasp.
“Blake?” Her mother spoke up, her vocal cords clearly taken over by shock . “Is that…really you?”
Blake opened her mouth, calling upon her vocal cords to conjure up her voice as she looked her mother in the eye….Only to feel any semblance of anger she hoped to convey to the woman all but slink away inside her through.“H-Hi, mom.” Blake answered, awkwardly waving.
Well, not waving. It was the kind of awkward waving where instead of actually moving her hand back and forth, her fingers were clawing and clutching at the air, as if she was trying to reach for some sort of help.
God, she felt like an idiot
All that was left was to wait for her mother to.
Before she even got the thought across in her mind, Blake felt a heavy weight crash into her, making the woman step back and catch her before she fell back.
“Wow! What the-“ Blake exclaimed, ready to freak the hell out at the sudden close contact she was clearly not prepared for.
Was her mother…hugging her? God, when was the last time she got hugged by her mom?
Back when things were simpler, a voice said in the back of her mind.
“My sweet baby girl,” Her mother held Blake tighter in her arms as she rested her head on the crook of Blake’s shoulder. “I’m so happy you’re here.”
Blake felt like her eyes couldn’t get any wider than they felt.
Right?
“Uhh…yeah.” Blake replied back, not feeling in real control of her own words. Still shocked that her arrival hadn’t produced some kind of yelling match or worse, Blake kept her arms close to her sides.
She didn’t think she was ready for more yet, unlike her mother.
Feeling her mother unwrap her arms from her body, Blake watched her mother step back and stare at her with the kind of maternal love Blake wished she had seen years ago. Wiping at her eyes at what could have been tears, her mother smiled.
“I’m…I’m sorry. I’m sure you’re not happy with me at all. Not after all this time. After what I’ve said and done to you.” Sadness etched into her mother’s skin. “It’s alright if you don’t want to hug me back. I deserve it.”
A bit taken back by the honesty her mother was giving her, Blake shifted her gaze around the porch to avoid her mother’s eyes, but found her eyes fall back in place.
“Look….Shizuko,” Blake forced out, addressing her mother with her first name to distance herself. The first name basis felt strange, almost bitter on her tongue, but she continued regardless. “You and your husband did a lot of things that messed me up as a kid. Me being unhappy is the least of it. The only reason I’m here is because someone important to me wants me to try and patch up relationships that might not even be here anymore. This is a courtesy.”
Blake’s mother stared her daughter with regret, but swallowed it down and nodded thoughtfully. “Of course. I understand completely.” Raising her head up to stare at her daughter, Shizuko shined a small smile to her. “I’m…glad to see you happy with someone. Alexis was always a good girl.”
“She still is. Always has been.” Blake retorted back.
“Of course, excuse me.” Her smile growing further, Shizuko moved to step back towards the house, opening the door to make room for her guest. “If you want, you can come in, sweetie. It’s probably getting quite cold for you standing out there.”
Blake took a slow first step toward the doorway before another and another came after. By the time she’d stopped walking, the warmth of home enveloped her chilled bones.
The first thing she’d noticed was the lack of renovation in the home. Even after eight years, the home looked like a snapshot from a photo album. No piece replaced, no knick knack put in another position or left on another shelf. But some things did look a bit smaller.
Or maybe she’d just grown taller the last time she’d been in the house.
“It….looks the same as when I left.” Blake quietly observed, her hands moving to hide themselves in the pockets of her jacket and continue fidgeting deep within.
Closing the door behind them, Shizuko walked further inside to her daughter’s side. “You’re father likes to keeps things the way they are.” Her mother answered, hesitation in her voice. It was subtle, but even Blake knew what a sudden shift in tone meant.
Something was up.
Eyes narrowing on every piece of furniture in the room the dark haired maiden poked her head into the kitchen and scanned the room before moving to the laundry room connecting on the far right. Not finding what she was looking for, she left for the next room, this time poking her head in the small office on the opposite side of the house.
It was quiet in the house.Too quiet.
“Blake,” She heard her mother call, standing in place in the living room while she watched her daughter walk back and forth through the rooms. “Are you looking for something?”
Stomping around yet again, Blake stopped in place in the living room, eyes beginning to light up with slow burning anger.
“Where is he?”
Eyes rising to meet Blakes’ questioning gaze, Shizuko stared back at her, only to look down at the floor.
She didn’t even try to make up a better excuse to hide the truth. “He’s….Your father isn’t coming, sweetie.”
A moment of silence passing between the two, Blake was the first to move. Pulling her hands out of her pockets as they squeezed into balled fists at her sides.
“I’m out of here.” Saying nothing more than that, Blake turned away from her mother and started making her way to the door.
“What? B-Blake, where are you going?” Her mother asked, surprise and confusion mixing in her tone as she rose from her seat on the couch.
“Back to my girlfriend. Back to New York. Anywhere but here. This was a waste of my time if he isn’t going to even show up.”
Shizuko rushed to her daughter’s side. “Blake, dear. Please. You can’t now.”
“Yes, I can. It’s pretty easy. I just need to walk through the door.” Blake answered, “I don’t understand this fucking game you’re trying to play, but it’s not working. I thought the whole reason you got Lexi to convince me to come here was because you wanted to fix things! Apologize for kicking me out of the house at sixteen and taking fucking Jason’s’ side over your own daughter’s! But I was wrong. I was somehow stupid enough to get my hopes up for this!”
Feeling like she had enough of old wounds splitting open, Blake turned away from her mother and marched her way to the door, just about ready to give up in the home and the people living in it for the rest of her life…
But then she felt herself get pulled back with a tug of her jacket sleeve, and looked back to see her mother with tears in her eyes, gasping as hard as she could to her to stop her.
“P-Please, Blake. Don’t. For me?”
Eyes hardened at the display, Blake wasn’t having anymore of this. At this point all she wanted was to just get the hell out for here. Blake grabbed her mothers’ wrist and pulled it off her.
“Let go of me Shiz-”
And in that moment of anger, Blake noticed….something odd in her line of vision. Spots of dark purple and blue marrying her mothers’ usually pale skin, dotting along what little she could see from the pushed back sleeve.
They were outlandish bruises, something she’d never associated with her mother before. And suddenly, all that anger seemed to have just disappeared.
Her mother somehow found the strength to pull back from her, wincing just a little while covering her arm with her sleeve.
“What the hell are those?” Blake asked. It didn’t seem like her mother was up to answering that question, eyes darting away from her attention and suddenly going quiet.
“Mom,” Blake asked, this time getting a bit more forceful in tone as she moved a bit closer to her mother. “What are those bruises?”
“I…I just fell, that’s all sweetie.” Her mother answered, tugging at the cuff of her sleeve in a nervous manner as her eyes squinted a bit.
“Bullshit,” Blake retorted back, a frown and anger seeping into her facial expression. “I know you’re lying, mom. You and I have the same tell. We squint when we lie.” Blake lowered her tone. “If you really want to patch things up, the least you could do is be truthful with me about this.”
Silence still the only answer she got, Blake felt her mind wander to every possibility there was.
Her mother was a housewife. Like hell cleaning a kitchen brought that many bruises. But it had been years. Maybe she’d gotten a job to pass the time? Helping to fix up the house? It wasn’t like Jason was any-
A dark thought crept into her mind.She hated Jason, regardless of him being her father.
“Did he do this to you?” She asked, partly unsure if she wanted to know the answer.
There was no verbal answer at first, but slowly her mother just looked at her defeated before nodding her head.
Holding in the urge to squeeze her hand for fear of hurting her mother, Blake continued.
“How long?” She asked. Again, not sure if she wanted to hear the answer to this question either. If what she thought the next answer was true, would that just magically explain everything? Why her mother acted the way she had years ago? Blake wasn’t stupid. She knew the kinds of things some people did to keep others in line, make them subservient and weak so they could control them. If she was right, then….
She stared at her mother expectantly, awaiting the answer she was dreading to hear. Verbal or silent, regardless it’d clutch at her heart no matter what.
And when she saw her mother move her head back to look at her, the fear of someone terrified and ashamed staring back at her, Blake didn’t need that answer. She already knew what it was.
How could she be so fucking stupid? To not know when she was a teenager the stuff that was going on?Was she just so childish and angry that she never thought for a second something might be wrong with her mother?
She had to be the worst daughter in the world.
“We’re leaving.” Blake said in a neutral tone.
“W-What?”
“I’m going. And you’re coming with me.” Blake answered again this time with more emotion in her voice, eyes burning with a mix of anger and tears threatening to come out of her eye sockets. “I’m not leaving you here with that asshole.”
“But,” Her mother spoke, voice shaking. “You’re father-”
“Mom, he’s not my father. He’s hasn’t been one since the day I was born. And he’s not your husband either. He hits you!” Blake exclaimed. “Do you want to keep living you life like this? Just listening to him and letting him hurt you?”
Blake watched her mother start to cry, the kind and motherly aura she’d had when she first got there crumbling away. The wall of normalcy she’d had was breaking down at this point.It showed in the way she shook her head and sniffled.
“I…Sweetie, I’m so scared.” Her mother answered, her voice barely above a whisper. “I don’t know what to do anymore.”
“Make your own choices and live your own God damn life.” Blake answered for her, reaching for her mother and hugging the shorter woman tightly. Something she never thought she would do. “You can make this a second chance for yourself. We’ll even start over, okay?”
Blake was about to try and say something again to convince her mother, but felt her mom wrap her own arms around her small frame, keeping her close. She just hugged her mother tighter.
