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CSU Channel Islands' Literary Journal

By: Hannah Kierman

 

Warm colors flow down my back

The river of fleeting blues

Rushing around my  body

The hues surrounding

Sunshine mounting

From the summit of the mountain

That I hiked with my dad

 

My memories bring me back

To the sand crunching below my feet

As I walk along the beach

A laughing Golden Retriever

Rolls over, demanding constant belly rubs

Yet quivers when fireworks spark

 

I tell my lover to play a symphony on my back

Dragons dance, swaying through the crowds

Chinese New Year

 

The aroma of my grandmother’s cooking:

Rich Chocolate cakes

So piping hot, the ice cream turns into a creamy puddle on top

Dripping into a pool of warm caramel

Onto the plate, rippling in the sticky liquid

 

Smooth garlic mashed potatoes

Both a border and a sponge to the gravy

Poultry smothered au jus

I feel queasy

From the eight burritos at El Pollo Loco before dinner

To the piping hot chocolate croissants in the morning

 

I can hear Mom in my head

Your father wishes we looked different

Like the girls who play competitive sports

Like the girls who hike the rolling mountains

 

You never taught me how to say

no

Just say no to all of the food being shoved down my gullet

No to the negative remarks about what I look like

How I should look

Being hungry meant consuming a buffet

Gaining your love meant having an eating disorder

 

So here I am

Stripped of my clothes

Resentment showers  over my naked body

Drips off of every bony crook

A puddle on the floor

One I would splash around in as a child

When I didn’t know what I was becoming

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