My Body by Betsy Segura
Read by Conner Arnold
To whom this may concern,
I know my body
I’ve had it for 22 years now
It’s been through alot:
Motorcycle accidents, Seizures,
Breast surgery.
I recall riding a motorcycle on a steep hill and the engine dying
The breaks being hit immediately,
Shouts for me to get off
We rolled together down the hill about halfway before I was freed from its grasp
I’ll never forget the weight of the entire red quad on my legs
The feeling of the wheel in the back of my head
The disbelief that nothing was broken.
I could barely walk
But my parents didn’t take me to a hospital
Now I understand that they were afraid I’d be taken from them
I was 9
Sir, I tell you this because
I looked “wide awake” when diagnosed with epilepsy
I would fall unconscious but I’d always wake-up
Or sometimes I’d stare blankly,
I could see and hear my surroundings
But I couldn’t communicate.
Embarrassed, I’d stop talking.
Sometimes, I couldn’t talk.
I was 10
The migraines came shortly after and so did the Naproxen
I remember being sensitive to even the dimmest of lights,
The lightest chirp,
The slightest movement
And by some miracle, the migraines went away
So did the medicine
I was wide awake
I was 15
Sir, answer me this
Have you urinated yourself while losing consciousness?
Have you ever forgotten who your relatives were?
Your mother, your father, your brother?
Do you know what it feels like to not know the woman who holds you and comforts
You’re on the floor, your father explaining to distant relatives the situation
Here we go again
It’s another episode, right?
Wrong, the Migraine followed after.
Single, because it never went away
I slept through most of the day
I am not in a single picture.
Normally I don’t care for these things
I’d much rather be behind a camera than in front of it
But my grandmother is no longer with us, you see.
Who would’ve thought Migraines had such a lasting effect?
I was 19
I seemed “alert” when looking at the X-ray that showed the lumps hidden in my breast.
I’ll admit, the anesthesia had its effect, but I recall being told that only one was removed
Three times Larger than they originally believed
I recall telling myself that I was a burden my entire life and never discussing any pain
Which is why the week after Spring Break, I was not vacationing
I was strapped to the operation table, wondering why I was being strapped
“I’m here willingly” I muttered as I dozed off
I immediately went back to work, went to class, and went about my life.
Not a single person the wiser
I still get the shooting pains that cause me to stop mid-sentence and gasp like a fish out of water
I recall being wide awake for all of that
I recall the phone call from the nurse that it was benign
The possibilities hadn’t even occurred to me
I was 21
The effects are still on my body
I have a hairline fracture on my right ankle that didn’t heal properly
Seizures from time to time, episodes on a daily basis
There are still 9 in my right breast that we’re currently waiting to grow in order to be removed and examined.
I am 22
Signed, A woman who knows her body better than you do
P.S- Do not assume that someone is alright simply because they look the part, or they don’t meet your standards.
